What does a fully surrendered life look like? I’ve tried too many times and failed to fully surrender. Why? I held back because I didn’t truly know Him. I knew of Him. I’d seen what He can do, but I didn’t know Him. There’s a difference between being loved for what you can do and being loved simply for who you are.

I prayed the prayer to ask Jesus in my heart when I was 5 years old. Looking back, the prayer was absolutely real. It would be a long time before I knew the meaning of true surrender. The path has been ever-winding, taking twists and turns I didn’t expect. I expected a straight line from point a to point b, but God knows the valleys and deserts we must experience before we can get to the summits.

There were traumatic experiences in my childhood which opened doors for lies and wounds to take hold in my life.

“Father God doesn’t protect me. It’s up to me to defend myself.”
“Jesus will leave and it will be all my fault.”
“Holy Spirit exposes and manipulates to embarrass and humiliate me.”

These lies had me convinced I was alone and needed to figure everything out for myself. I felt I had to prove myself, make something of myself by myself, and be perfect to come to God. There was no one I could trust, except me. Trying to walk in the Spirit and also be completely independent is a hard, unnecessary road to walk.

Primarily, I grew up in a charismatic church. Holy Spirit having His way was a common occurrence, a way of life. I loved what He could do, how He moved. He spoke through the prophetic, spontaneous worship, dreams, art, visions, tongues, and the interpretation of tongues. When I was 17, a painful experience served to only fuel the existing lies set up from childhood. I felt alone and unprotected. I didn’t know Father God as my defender. He felt distant.

The past 13 years have been a journey of forgiveness, freedom, and most importantly, surrender. Choosing surrender opened my eyes and ears. Father God’s voice is no longer distant or difficult to hear. I can hear Him clearly, piercing through the noise. It may seem like a huge, esoteric concept, but surrender is really simple. When I stopped believing God wasn’t trustworthy and started believing He was, surrender was easy. Surrender says, “I don’t know how, but You do.”

Forgiveness has not only allowed me to let go of people who hurt me, but has handed me the key to my own prison cell. Going back to the first instances where I believed those lies and forgiving those who hurt me was a pivotal moment in my life. I heard once “Forgiveness is the lifestyle of the believer”. What does that look like in everyday life? For me, it looks like setting my heart to forgive every day. It looks like not holding on to hurt, whether real or perceived. It looks like not taking up an offense for me or for anyone else.

Walking out this freedom every day must be a lifestyle. I’m here to tell you, it can be done. Wholeness is available to everyone, not just those who are already walking with God. The Word says, “The Son of Man came to seek and to save that which was lost.” The word “save” is the Greek word “sozo”, which means salvation, healing, and deliverance. Jesus didn’t just come to save us, then leave and let us fend for ourselves. He also came to heal and deliver us. This healing is not just our physical bodies, but our hearts, souls, and minds. He came to deliver us from the torment of our real enemy. What Jesus did while on this earth, He is still doing today. I have been delivered of the orphan spirit, the power of Freemasonry and witchcraft, and much more. You can be delivered, too.

Jesus came not just to save our lost souls, but to reclaim all which has been stolen from us. He will never leave. He is good.